Building Joy and Connection: Mirror Neurons and the Mutual Mind

One of the most fascinating insights from neuroscience and brain scans is the presence of “mirror neurons” in our brains.  These neural connections “mirror” or imitate the actions or emotional states of others—such as when I smile, you tend to smile back at me.  These connections develop best in early life, through face-to-face relationships with people we trust and who are glad to be with us. 

Chris Coursey, in his book Transforming Fellowship: 19 Brain Skills that Develop Joyful Community, notes this requires a high-joy relationship or environment in a secure bond, where we “allow our brain to become like them and copy how they live” as we allow another person “deeply into our souls and minds.”  Again, these attachment relationships are formed with people who are glad to be with us, which in turn develops our identity and our character.   

Even though this happens best in the brains of infants, there’s good news for the rest of us.  Because of the concept of “neuroplasticity”—that our brains can continue to grow and develop through most of our lives—it’s never too late to use our mirror neurons to synch and attach with another person to exchange joy, love and belonging. 

This connection is sometimes called a “mutual mind” state when we’re “on the same page” with another person.  Coursey explains this as a brain-to-brain coupling that makes you feel seen, valued and understood.  It’s those times when it feels like “you are the source of my joy”—or more accurately, “we are the reason for each other’s joy.” 

Look for an opportunity in the days ahead to convey to another person—your child, spouse, friend or neighbor—that you are genuinely glad to be interacting with them.  Look into their eyes and smile—and see if they smile back.  Expect the best, and see what happens.