Learning to Return to Joy

There are days I wish I had a better handle on my emotions. I tend to live in high gear, and it’s sometimes hard to know how to downshift. And when I’m in high gear mode, I tend to forget things. Several years ago, I was flying to Chicago a few times a year as part of a graduate program. And on one trip, around this time in October, I was stretched with all this challenging learning, was living out of a suitcase, and so on.

Then one evening I misplaced my cellphone. (Oh yes, and on top of that I’d left the powercord to my laptop back at home, by this time I’d almost run out of battery—and without a car there, couldn’t find any place to buy a power cord). Which meant no e-mail on my computer, and no phone (with all my contacts, no ability to call or text, and so on). You get the picture.

I frantically combed through the science center—the classroom where we met, the lounge where I’d studied, the rest rooms—everywhere. I scoured the ground between the science center and my guest apartment—that night and the next morning. I emptied my suitcase, crawled on my hands and knees looking under beds and couches, called campus security, and told everyone I could think of that I’d lost my phone. How could I communicate? How could I even confirm my flight home? How would I recapture all my contacts?

By then I’d pretty much lost my mind along with all my joy. Having given up hope, I returned late that night to the classroom lounge where I’d studied the night before. Just then, a cleaning woman came by. Trying to communicate, it became clear she knew very little English. So with gestures, I tried to explain I’d lost this small cell phone. “Phone?” she repeated. Then her face lit up, she scurried down the hall to a store room, and came back beaming with my cell phone. And I was so seized by joy I almost ran up and gave her a big hug and kiss (I didn’t).

After saying thank you in as many languages as I could think of, I reazlied had I not met her and asked about my phone that night, my phone would still be in that storeroom years later.

Not every story of hopeless despair ends in such a happy ending. But we can all train in return-to-joy skills, by sharing some return-to-joy stories with each other, or watching how other people react under stressful situations and learn how they return to joy. And as you and I practice this skill ourselves, we can start sharing our return-to-joy skills with others.